Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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