Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
