so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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