summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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