im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
