he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
