remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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