margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
