She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
