I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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