the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
