So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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