The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
