I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
