pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
