You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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