Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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