i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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