Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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