so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
