why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
