The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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