Soap is not a condiment
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
