Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
