he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
