His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
