Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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