Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
