Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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