I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
