Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think my vagina is haunted
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
