She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize