can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
