if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
