i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
