i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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