i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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