Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I mean a good dj is a huge turn on

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(954): View more from Florida

so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

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(314): View more from Missouri

Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad

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(819): View more from Quebec

We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?

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