She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
