I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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