After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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