So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
