So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
