Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize