Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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