Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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