I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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