I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
