She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
