I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
