I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A+ Viking dick
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
