Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
