I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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