it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
