Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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