Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
