6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well you can't waste a boner
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
