You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
