she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
