Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
