Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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