ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
