I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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