Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
