Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
