She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
