why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
