Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
