yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
