New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
