I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
